Many women feel physically paralysed, numb and unable to move out of their homes after their husband’s death. Even doing daily chores like simple cooking, cleaning and gardening becomes a major task in their life and they feel physically exhausted and mentally drained out. They lack vigour in their life, cannot take correct decisions and are confused over very minor issues.
But all these things are quite normal after facing such a tragic loss in their life. Just accept that the parting of your beloved partner was a major trauma. You will need your own time and inner strength to cope up with this loss and regain your energy. Firstly try to address the minor issues. Don’t try to sort out major problems just after such a tragedy as you will not be able to cope up with that and the same would leave you all the more exhausted. If you force yourself to accomplish more than you are capable of,it will not only make you feel worse but also you will not be able to accomplish as desired.
If you find yourself getting exhausted, wavering or disorganised, lower the target you set for yourself to achieve for the time being. Do only what is important. Whatever strength and courage you can gather right now should be devoted to meeting your emotional and physical needs and the needs of your children. Healing is major task and should be your first priority at this stage.
There is much to be concerned about when your better half passes away. Your children are a major cause of concern, no matter how old they maybe. There are uncertainties, about funds and matters relating to monetary transactions. You may also be worried about employment and may need to upgrade your job skills as you may need to get a job to make ends meet. Further you may be worried about where you are going to live in the future. You may be concerned about the where and the how of so many other things.
With all this on your mind, regardless of your age, physical status and financial position, you are bound to be tensed. But unnecessary and unrealistic worries will wipe off all the happy moments in your life and you will feel all the more exhausted. Try to learn and control your worries.
To start with just write down what all worries are buzzing in your mind. Then categorise the worries into two parts. In the first part, you write down all the worries for which you cannot do anything. Just put a big cross over them. Then in second part, write down the remaining worries where you see a ray of hope such as someone extending a hand to help or it could be your own strength that will overcome that worry and find a suitable solution. Look at the second part with a positive attitude. Don’t sit in a corner to find the answers to all your worries. You may find better answers for your worries when examined with an open mind.
Expectedly when left alone, many widows are afraid to face challenges and at times they even develop a sense of fear. They are afraid of being alone, afraid of taking any decisions and afraid of taking responsibilities and facing life courageously. This behaviour and feelings are very normal and natural after losing one’s life partner. But one should try to share their fear with others and not leave it unexpressed. Fear can actually make you sick. It can turn into anger and make you lash out at your children and other loved ones.
Sometimes simply admitting that you are afraid is good enough for the moment. Fear can be a powerful reason for you to move on or it can stop you in your tracks. You alone have the answer as you are the only who knows how to overcome the fear factor. All of us have different kinds of fears and phobias. The actual threat is letting our fears ruin our lives, by stopping us from finding out where our strength lies and making us too dependent on others.
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