Losing your life partner could be one of life’s most shocking and tragic events. With this loss, each and every nook and corner of your being is affected. The feeling of sorrow and void is so extreme that you keep wondering if there will ever be joy in your life again. Many times you wake up with all sorts of nightmares, surrounded with unanswered questions and unrealistic imaginations.
Eventually as days pass by, the hard reality comes forward and you have to accept the fact that come what may, you have to be strong and on your toes because…… you are the mother of your children. They need your attention, they need your love, they need your support and they need to see their mother as strong as possible. Your children would prefer not seeing you with oiled hair and a long face sitting in the corner of a room staring at the ceiling. Remember your children give you a reason to carry on.
You were wondering earlier whether there will ever be joy in your life; let me tell you that there will be happiness again. Your house will be filled with bliss and delight and you will realise that there is always light at the end of the tunnel. With a cheerful mood, optimistic attitude and enthusiastic approach towards life, this light will grow livelier and stronger day by day.
When you lose your life partner you are choked with all sorts of mixed emotions. Feelings of emptiness, sadness, worry, guilt and anger will overcome you. Feeling angry is quite normal when you are grief-stricken. There is nothing wrong about getting irritated or annoyed. You tend to lose your temper with your children, your parents, relatives, close friends and of course, with your deceased spouse. But while expressing your anger, just remember that you should not inflict pain on others. Accusing someone will not accomplish anything other than prolonging your anger. Imposing pain on those who share your loss will not make your agony go away. When you realise there is no one to blame, your anger will no longer rule your life.
Many widows lose not only a life partner but also their best companion. It is very difficult to fill up this void. The loss of bonding and closeness is a tough and aching adjustment. There are women who were totally dependent upon their spouse for little matters but now have to manage things on their own. This might seem like a difficult task. No one can replace your husband but you can try to fill up that emptiness with the company of others. If you have teenage kids, you could be their best friend. If you have young toddlers, try to fill up your emptiness with their wobbling words. Maybe your sister or close friend could become your confidant.
Try to find out occasions for friendship and discussion even if it’s just a casual talk with other parents at your child’s PTA meetings. At times people may not be so cooperative. On the contrary, they would feel awkward and may not know what and how to converse with you. Keep it simple; you can talk about your children’s school activities, climate change, shopping, etc. Do not even expect other people to approach you again. But don’t lose heart, keep trying, take simple steps and you will slowly see the difference in your attitude. As they say time is the best healer, give yourself time to heal. No doubt, how much you do, whatever steps you take, there will always be that special void but the piercing pain of loneliness will slowly go away.
…..to be continued….
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