Parenting has become more difficult than ever before. As technology advances and time becomes more and more scarce, we find parenting becoming more and more challenging. One of the biggest challenges for parents today, is to raise well behaved children. One of the biggest satisfactions for parents is when they hear that they have raised well behaved children. So how difficult is it to raise well behaved children today?
Today, everything around us is so artificial and self-centred. With an increase in dual family income, children are given everything that they ask for and there is no waiting period. There are very rare occasions when they are denied anything they ask for. Parents want to give the best to their children and in this process raise up self-centred and less respectful generation of individuals who don’t value things the way our generation used to.
If we look back and see how our parents raised us, we might be able to find some answers. Though there was very little money, gifts or toys, there was nothing important which we lacked. Our generation was raised in love, care, discipline, values and ethics.
So today, let us look at some of the old fashioned ways of parenting which can be used even today to raise our children. All we need is to adapt these ways appropriately to our times, to get the best in a given situation.
Many psychologist and child experts have agreed that we need to make big changes in our parenting ways and skills. There are many modern good parenting books which give useful parenting tips to raise well behaved children. But the most important thing is to know that every child is unique and you need to adapt unique ways that will suit you and your child.
Due to the huge influence of media, technology, peer pressure and other environmental factors, lot of children have behavioural problems like anger, stress, loneliness, depression, low self-esteem etc. It is important to find about these behavioural issues earlier on and try to help your children.
- Today, let us look at some of the top tips to raise well behaved children –
Today, let us look at some of the top tips to raise well behaved children –
Set family rules and ensure they are adhered to.
One of the most important things in raising well behaved children is to discipline them. Children are great observers and soak everything from circumstances around them. Talk to them about the set boundaries and the importance of adhering to these limits. Tell them the advantages of being well behaved.
Simplify why a good behaviour is expected from them and how it will help them in the future.
For e.g., you need to eat healthy food in order to stay healthy and not fall sick. Getting 8 hours of good sleep will help them to be fresh and thus be able to concentrate on their studies or keeping books and toys in the proper place will help them to find them easily the next time etc.
Most of the times children are self-centred and this is fine for their age but as parents we need to teach them that life is not only about themselves all the time but also about people around them.
Keep the communication channel open always.
Always keep the communication channel open. Your child should always feel free to talk to you. Remember in times of need, you should be the first one that they should turn to for advice.
Though it is difficult but not impossible, try and hear them out but always take decisions that you believe are best for them. You can seek their views and opinions but take a decision and stand by that decision, even if it causes frustration and brings tears to them.
Remember you have more wisdom, life experience and understanding, which will help you do things in their best interest.
Encourage problem solving skills.
One of the important aspects of raising well behaved children is to equip them to solve their problems and take age appropriate decisions. Most of the time children behave badly because they feel powerless and helpless in a certain situations.
Teach your children to solve their problems themselves. Encourage them to take age appropriate decisions like which clothes to wear, what food to order etc.
If siblings fight, help them to understand the problem at hand and ask them for solutions. Sometimes you will be surprised with their answers. If they fail, ask them to try again by giving them some options. Challenge them to come up with their own answers, if a child is asking your opinion in a particular situation. This will boost their confidence and also their cognitive skills.
Encourage and motivate them from time to time.
Somebody said, “praise and be raised”. Praising your child for a job well done, will motivate and encourage them to do things better. Children love positive feedback and praising them for their good work will boost their confidence.
Acknowledge small things like doing up their bed, picking up the scattered toys, finish eating the healthy food in their plate, being polite and respectful in front of elders etc., will help them know that you value good behaviour.
Avoid beating, as it will only aggravate the situation and they will think that it is fine to beat others when they are angry.
Cultivate conscience in them.
It is important that your child feels bad, when they don’t follow the rules or behave badly. It is important for them to introspect on their bad behaviour. Do not immediately go and reduce their discomfort. Let them think through it and then use it as a teaching opportunity. Finally you can assure them, we all make mistakes, but it is important to learn from our mistakes and avoid repeating them.
Keep time off for bad behaviour. Keep clear sanctions for repeated bad behaviour. You should also be firm with your “No”. Also avoid hollow threats, but be consistent in what you say.
Cultivate the habit of patience.
Patience is one of the key things that you need to cultivate in children. No one likes to wait, especially young children. Teach your children tolerance and patience. When they ask you for something do not immediately rush to give it to them, instead ask them to wait. Engage them in activities that promote patience for e.g., ask them to count upto 100, planting a seed in the ground and waiting for it to grow, activities such as block building or puzzles etc.
Teach them empathy.
It is important to teach them the values of respect for elders, showing cordial behaviour even in disagreement, caring for people around them especially their siblings, grandparents and parents.
Encourage them to be kind and generous. My daughter parted with all her gift money received at Christmas, as her contribution towards the Christmas party for the underprivileged children. We were very proud of her and complimented her for the good deed. Both my daughters very willingly share their gifts and toys with others.
Parenting is a challenge, but we need to do things best suited to our children and us. Every child is unique so what works for one will not work for others. Understand the individual’s nature and habits and accordingly take steps to encourage good behaviour.
Please read our earlier article 10 Tips to improve your child’s behaviour.
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